HAVE YOU RENEWED YOUR PONY TABS THIS YEAR?

If Not, be Warned-- The Tab Police are on the Prowl

Copyright 1991 truth-or-consequences

Sold To: "The Western Horse"

855 Words Exactly

Non Fiction?

 

The paper carried a story this week about some yuppy bureaucrat who proposed a law to make it illegal to ride horses without seat belts.

Another story suggested that a "rider's license" be required to ride a horse.

Still another article described an attempt to license and tax horses as "recreational vehicles".

Yet another piece explained the need to charge folks a fee when they ride across the open BLM range lands. Maybe a toll booth at every cattle guard?

In the wide open state of Nevada, for instance, you must pay a fee and obtain permission from some surly self-appointed Brand Inspector, who's even less reliable than your farrier, to trailer your bronc across the county! How outrageous! This regulation is enforced (rather obnoxiously) under the guise of being a horse theft deterrent, yet the agencies involved fully acknowledge that they know of not one single case in which this practice has thwarted the theft of, or returned a stolen horse. It's just more mindless bureaucarcy, and who bloody well needs it.

So where does fact leave off and fiction begin?

Where does sanity fail and insanity prevail?

In these United States...

Where will we be in twenty years if this nonsense is allowed to run amok?

Consider this:

I was down at the licensing bureau, renewing the monthly tabs on my little Palomino. I didn't know they were expired. Perhaps I'm irresponsible. But the "Tab Police" had been doing a routine inspection of local paddocks, and I got caught in that dragnet. The fine for having expired equine tabs was $300, and I was happy to pay it. After all, it's the duty of every American to be sure he has met all requirements, paid all taxes, renewed all weekly, monthly and annual tabs, and affixed, stuck and secured all stickers....

But the thing that really torqued me was the additional fine for "Improperly Displayed Equine Registration Tabs". I guess mine had been put on crooked, or maybe Old Bleu had been itching his butt on the fence and had accidentally misaligned them. I had yelled at him for that very thing just the week before.

But still in all, if my equine tabs were expired and no longer valid, then how could I be fined for having tabs that were misaligned? If the Tab Police were going to fine me for not having valid horse tabs at all, then how could they also fine me for having them on crooked?

But they didn't see it my way. They never do.

I was promptly fined an additional $250 for talking back to a government employee. I paid that, and bought new Equine Registration Tabs as well. Still, I was bitter. A monthly tab shouldn't be required for a gelding, after all. Why can't geldings be registered on a semi-annual basis, like in Zimbabwe and Poland?

While I was taking care of the registration tab discrepancy, the girl behind the counter stopped talking to her boyfriend long enough to remind me that my Horseshoe Permit was about to expire as well. I argued that I should not have to renew my Horseshoe Permit, as I intended to leave Old Bleu barefoot this year, and I showed her my newly purchased "Barefoot Horse Permit" to prove it. It seems, I argued, that a person ought to be required to have a Barefoot Permit OR a Horseshoe Permit, but certainly not both. I told the gal that I frankly had no intention of renewing the Horseshoe Permit. Why, I wouldn't even trim the hooves, if that would satisfy the government. I'd leave them long and ragged all year.....

I was promptly fined another $250 for talking back to a government employee.

I renewed the Horseshoe Permit, and even paid an extra fee, in case old Bleu threw a shoe out on the BLM. They call it a "Recovery and Disposal Tax". I didn't argue.

I bought the optional Equine Registration Tab Installing Tool (to make sure the tabs were properly aligned this time), and upon my return to the barn to install said tabs, stickers and permits on Bleu's crusty hind quarters, I noticed a group of people congregated near the hot walker. They were discussing the fate of poor Bob-- the Tab Police had just hauled him off to jail. It seems he had forgotten to get a Manure Disposal Permit before shoveling out the paddock. Horrified for a moment, I asked if, God forbid, Bob had actually spilled any manure on the ground. I was quickly assured he had not-- nothing like that, they said. No, he had only tried to clean a stall without having performed the appropriate Environmental Impact Study. Not very smart, they said. It will cost him more to get out of prison than the study and the disposal license would have cost in the first place. Penny Wise, everyone said. But dollar stupid. They all nodded solemnly and the group slowly dispersed. I felt bad for poor Bob, but certainly I would never be caught at anything THAT irresponsible......

I installed all permits, stickers and tabs on Blue's bony hind end, and I did a fine job of it, if I do say so myself. Then I breathed a sign of relief.

It makes a man feel warm inside, knowing he's done "The Right Thing".....

 

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