GreenPeace

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Before President Bush touched down in Pennsylvania Wednesday to promote his nuclear energy policy, the environmental group Greenpeace was mobilizing. "This volatile and dangerous source of energy" is no answer to the country's energy needs, shouted a Greenpeace fact sheet decrying the "threat" posed by the Limerick reactors Bush visited. But a factoid or two later, the Greenpeace authors were stumped while searching for the ideal menacing metaphor. Accidentally released by Greenpeace before the brackets were filled in, we present it here exactly as it was written by Greenpeace, capital letters and all:

"In the twenty years since the Chernobyl tragedy, the world's worst nuclear accident, there have been nearly [FILL IN ALARMIST AND ARMAGEDDONIST FACTOID HERE]."

Greenpeace has admitted writing the above. The owner of Fakenewspapers.com personally knew the original founders of Greenpeace way back in the late 1960's. They were then regarded as shameless sensationalists, drama-mongers and basically pretty illogical people, little more than fanatical personalities looking for causes, real or imagined, upon which to pin and thereby hopefully legitimize that fanaticism. Greenpeace does some good in the world, but it often seems their actual productivity is an accidental by-product of near-hysterical, unguided fervor, which they possess in far more abundance than common sense. Put 50 monkeys in a room with typewriters and they'll sooner or later create SOMETHING.... (etc.)